you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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