I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
