it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
