There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
