ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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