party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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