he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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