mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
