hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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