So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
