I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
