Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
