a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
