Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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