That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i wish my penis had a tongue
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
