$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
