Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
