I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
