I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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