Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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