I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
