he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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