i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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