so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
