Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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