i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
