There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm both gender and math confused
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
