my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
