So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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