My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
