Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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