Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
