Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
