I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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