dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
