She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
