i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
