My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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