vagina is talking i cant
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
