the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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