just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
