Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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