She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hippo gnu deer
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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