i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
