I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
