I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i think i just lost a toe
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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