i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
