I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
