I can text with my tongue
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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