that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
