Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
