I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
