Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
