he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
