I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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